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I have a love hate relationship with the Internet in general and with blogging in particular. On the one hand, I love the freedom to gather information and write whatever I want to that blogging affords me. I also like that other people can read what I write and give me feedback versus simply writing my thoughts down in a spiral notebook (of which I have many tucked away in various corners of my house) where no one will probably ever read what I have written. I also enjoy connecting with new people and reconnecting with people from my past. Those are a few of the positive aspects of being 'out there' in cyber-space.
On the other hand are the negatives that I can't seem to shake to the extent that I could a few years, or even a few months ago, so I find myself reevaluating the usefulness of continuing to blog, which is essentially laying my heart and soul bare for others to view, dissect and discuss. One of the most disturbing aspects is my feeling of irrelevance. This is not a new feeling. I have felt incidental in most settings all of my life. Not hated or rejected so much as invisible. No, it's not a new feeling, just a new setting for an old feeling; a feeling I would dearly love to put aside and never have to revisit. I am not sure that the cold world of the Internet is the place to master this desire, however. I think that by making myself vulnerable in my writing, by writing about such personal things, I have only exacerbated my feelings of insignificance because I can see that it's really not that important to anyone else. I'm not that important to anyone else. Except maybe someone who has an axe to grind with me, or someone who wants to find a reason to dislike me. Those people seem to be the only ones clamoring to read what I write.
I'm not here to throw a Pity Party or to make people take notice out of sympathy. I am just stating how I am feeling about the whole blogging on the Internet thing. When you think about it, who really does care about random, meandering ramblings from any isolated person on the Internet? We are, most of us, random and isolated on the Internet, big place that it is. I suppose there is the occasional stumble upon it encounter, but for the most part, what we write on the Internet is the same as what we write in our spiral notebooks and tuck inside our nightstand drawer, never to be seen by another soul. Very few people are sought after in great numbers for their scrawled out pearls of wisdom. For the rest of us, we must find a way to feel significant in spite of our obscurity. I am finding, at the moment, this to be a daunting task.
I'm not sure where I am going with this piece. I am just thinking out loud. Well, typing out loud? I guess you could say. I guess it doesn't much matter if I make a wonderful point or spew out an enlightening nugget of insight - no one is going to read it any way, right? So, I guess I will just end with, I have not decided yet whether I love or hate Internet blogging, but I have decided that it is worth pondering.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
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Keep writing, Kim. Accidental discoveries can lead to some amazing experiences, and I wouldn't want some person who needed to find you and your writing to have their opportunity escape.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as someone who has been doing this online blogging thing for years and in its current blog form since early 2003, I can offer something that many of us "old-timers" have discovered over time: The minute you start to write for someone else or an audience, you lose your "voice." Write from your heart if you so choose to write online and you'll be happy. As soon as you do it to seek something more than an outlet, you lose something and your readers can tell. Just my two cents from having been at this for so long.
ReplyDeleteAs for you, personally, you never have been and never will be insignificant. Your presence is definitely felt and known. Never doubt that. You impact people around you, Kim.
Internet blogging isn't for everyone but if you decide to stick with it, stay true to yourself, write for yourself and be yourself. You can't go wrong that way. I've seen many bloggers come and go. Most that fade away are the ones who are trying to write *to* someone or to make a statement they feel or fear they cannot otherwise make in some other way yet feel the need to teach a lesson. The ones that have staying power are the ones who write for the love of writing and they write for themselves. The other things that come with that? Well, it's just gravy, so to speak.
I know my opinion is insignificant- especially now- but this is an area I do know and I have been paid to know. You have a passion. Do with it what feels right. Follow your heart.
It is true, Erica, accidental discoveries can make an impact on someone. I had a guy a while back comment that he had stumbled upon a bog of mine about depression and he really got some insight from it. I am glad, in that incident that I had opened up and exposed my struggles, if only to help one person is a blessing.
ReplyDeleteJenn, I know what you mean. I have pretty much always written for my own benefit and have never really thought about an audience. I just write what's on my mind and heart. Lord knows I have pissed off more than one person by saying exactly what was on my mind. I think there is a Kim Haters Club out there that has quite a few members in it.
I was recently asked to not write about certain subjects or at least tone my writing down so that others are not offended if they see themselves in something I write that doesn't paint them in a very positive light. I don't like someone telling me what I can and can't write about, but I did move most of my writing to my obscure blog instead of posting it on a big social networking site. This has made me feel stifled a bit.
We'll see how it goes from here. I will probably never be publish because of the fact that I hate writing to a formula, word limits or dictated content.