Good Versus Evil

Have you had those moments - days or weeks even, where you feel that those around you have let you down so profoundly that it hurts to breathe; but you know that breath - in and out, in and out, is really all you have?

I know the feeling of slogging through my days, not really living; just breathing to exist. Everything still gets accomplished. There really is no time for the luxury of a full-fledged break down. The zest however is not there. My heart is indeed not in it.

This week I have come to realize one thing for sure, (do I sound like Oprah, now?) and that is this - my feelings are as important as the feelings of everyone else. This may sound like a simple concept and maybe I am a late bloomer in coming to this realization, but the notion was totally foreign to me until recently. I am a product of a different generation. We were taught to always defer to others; otherwise you were being incredibly selfish. Couple this with the fact that I am a middle child whose main job growing up was keeping the peace and running interference and you can see that it didn't occur to me that my emotions might take precedent. To understand this insight is truly new to me.

Understanding the concept and putting it into practice are two different things, however. Those around me are used to my concessions to their feelings and not rocking the boat. When I suddenly stand up and say. "You know what, that's not okay." There are bound to be reverberations that are uncomfortably felt. Those close to me are wondering what the heck has gotten in to me and I am wondering if this new assertive behavior is worth the aftermath.

Such has been the case this past week - several times. I didn't hold back my sentiments when push came to shove. I didn't leave me with victorious feelings, though; it actually made me feel more desolate than before. Maybe there is a learning curve?

Throughout the week I had to learn to lean more heavily on my relationship with my Lord. I appreciate the fact that the comfort that I receive from him is perfect. In those hours when it hurt to breath, but I knew I must - He was there. He was there to pull me out of the trap that the enemy had set for me. It feels wonderful to have eluded the schemes of the one who yearns to bankrupt my self esteem.

I cannot believe that there is God without also knowing that there is Satan. Satan really does not want for me to make these advancements in my life and improve my feelings of self worth; then I can no longer live in fear. Fear is the number one area in which Satan gains leverage in my life. In everyone's life, in my opinion. So, the breakthrough begins with resisting the urge to say "Never mind, it's too painful - I'll just keep things the way they are" and pushing through to the other side of that misery where God is.

Then you can breathe - not just to exist, but to thrive and smell the sweet fragrance of victory. The triumph of good over evil; there is nothing more lovely.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (New International Version)

The God of All Comfort

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Psalm 119:75-77 (New International Version)

75 I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. 76 May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. 77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.

"What can we do but keep on breathing in and out, modest and willing, and in our places?" ~Mary Oliver

Victorious and Free

These are the things from which I strive to be free. Despair, strife, depression, anxiety, fear and low self esteem.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was about nine years old. There are components of the depression that are due to brain chemical imbalances. I have never been able to "pray it away". I don't believe that it is because I haven't been faithful enough or that my relationship with God is lacking in dedication. That being said, I don't believe that I should just take medication and forget that it is God who lead me to my path of freedom from these stronghold on my life.

Satan seeks to make me believe that I am in charge of my own destiny, that I can overcome any obstacle if I have enough strength of character. This gives me a false sense of what I am capable of on my own. It is only in my weakness that I am made strong by God's power. The freedom that I find in Jesus' sacrifice is greater than anything that I can ever do on my own.

Jesus died on the cross so that I could have life and to live it abundantly. He expects me to live the victorious life that he has planned for me. For me to strive for anything else would be a rejection of his sacrifice. He gave his all for me and I should give my all to live my best life for him. This is where my reliance on him comes in. I have to count on him to pull me out of my own thoughts and dwellings on the negative things in my life so that I can focus on him and the great way that he made me.

It is not bragging to say that I am a wonderful, great and beautiful person, because I am made in his image and he is wonderful and great and beautiful. I have to give him his due and live like I am his child, with all the potential that is mine. It is great to know that these negative spirits have no power over me because in him I am Free.

Passage Romans 5:1-5:
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Passage Ephesians 4:1:
1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Passage Colossians 1:10-14:
10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Passage 1 Corinthians 15:57-58:
57But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain