Wednesday, August 7, 2013

My Experience with Home Remedies for Yeast Infections

WARNING:  Some gentlemen, and gentile women, may be offended by the content herein.  Continue to read at your own risk.

So, yesterday, The yeasty beasties had finally driven my nether regions CRAZY! This situation has been going on for MONTHS. I've used everything from diflucan, to monostat and other OTC creams, mega doses of pro-biotics, etc., and nothing has gotten rid of it completely.  It will feel better for a few days and then it's back.  So, I decided home remedies were in order (I should have started there first, actually).

I read a bunch of articles on the topic of home remedies for yeast infection, and decided to start with things I already had here before I shove garlic cloves up my...self, That one will be my last resort.  Not sure why I am adverse to the thought, but... I just am.

Attempt number one:  I soaked a tampon in apple cider vinegar 1/2 and 1/2 with water, with [more than] a few drops of tea tree oil and inserted that in the offending orifice.  I had errands to run, and thought it might be best not to smell like a tea tree oil and apple-cider vinegar marinade, so I took it out before leaving the house.

Once I got home, I made a huge error in judgment.  Let this be an advisory to anyone in dire desperation to evict fungi from her girl-parts:  Do not, ever, never, ever, apply baking soda to the downstairs area after you've had vinegar in there.  It doesn't matter if it's hours later, just...DON'T.  I thought I would be smart and try to restore the p/h balance down there by sprinkling on a little baking soda.  I read one article about vinegar, and another about baking soda, and I thought - hey, let's just try them both!

Ladies, that is the worst fire I've ever felt in that area, and that includes childbirth. I thought- oh, it will go away after a couple of minutes - NOT. I fleetingly though about getting one of those stickless popcycle tube thingies and putting that up in there, but decided the edges of the plastic wrapper were too iffy.

I frantically tore my clothes off, jumped in the shower, and rinsed and rinsed and rinsed with cold water, until I finally got the pain down to a dull throb. Pfew.  It felt like someone stuck a roman candle up there.  Well, what I THINK a roman candle would feel like if inserted - that, thankfully, I have never been stupid enough to try.

I put in another ACV/TTO tampon and slept with that in all night.  This morning I woke up and- Holy fire in the hole, Batman!  I must have really burned my business with the vaginal volcano yesterday.

Attempt number three:  I covered a tampon with  plain yogurt and inserted that, it helped a bit, but the tampon was a little uncomfortable.  No doubt from the irritation I created.

Another article I read, gave instructions on how to make yogurt suppositories - you get a latex glove and fill the fingers with the yogurt, then freeze the glove, then, pop the yogurt fingers out and insert them, one at a time.  Sounded like a good idea, I had  no idea how I would explain, to anyone who happened upon me during the task, what I was doing, but luckily, no one came in, and I was able to make them unquestioned.

When I got home from my various errands today, I deposited the suppository in the repository.  Again, be advised, they melt fast, and you need to be prepared with nothing short of a maxi pad in your skivies- a diaper would probably work too, but having none handy here, I went with the largest pad I had.

I plan on repeating this procedure tonight before bed, as well as the next few nights. Time will tell if it works, otherwise, I'll need to make attempt number four, the cooter clove [of garlic], in order to kill the little fungal bastards once and for all.  I will not be beaten, I tell you!