Monday, July 28, 2008

Are you really who you think you are?

I went to a PTA seminar this weekend and enjoyed a workshop called "True Colors" It is a personality system by which people are categorized in to colors. It is interesting to see how people fit into the categories and how we ourselves measure up and interact in the world based on these tendencies. I am a Blue with Green. It is explained on their website that your primary color is your personality and your secondary is how you express your primary tendencies. They didn't say that in the workshop, so when I read that it made so much more sense to me. I was reading each category and flip flopping myself (and a friend) between two colors. Now I understand why. To me this is a situation where my primary color -- Blue is how I feel inside. My secondary color -- Green is how I problem solve and how others (most likely) perceive me.

The friend that went with me and I were trying to figure out each others colors and we were stumped as to why the other perceived us in a vastly different way than we sense our own personalities. At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what color you are; there is room for and worth in each color. It doesn't mean I am less me if someone else sees me differently than I see myself. However, it was perplexing to see that sometimes who we truly are is not seen by those who are closest to us.

I believe that this is what makes us all such complex beings that really defy category and pigeonholing. It is nice to get some sense of what you are dealing with with those around you. Most especially our spouses, our children, our closest friends as well as our co-workers. It makes it easier to resolve conflicts if you consider that your Gold husband is going to want to create a plan of action to ameliorate the relationship problems that you, an emotional Blue have just poured out you heart to tell him about. It isn't a personal affront to you that he didn't also pour out his heart and tell you how he felt about the situation too. It is simply the way he is.

If you are interested in a free test to see what COLOR you are go to this website and take a test. It is really intriguing.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Does everyone know what a snafu is? A chaotic situation? A problematic occurrence? A disordered circumstance? Yes, it can mean all of these things. But it is actually an acronym from WWII used to describe a particularly confounding, yet familiar occurrence.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Decisions, Decisions

I hate making decisions. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. Any decision, whether big or small causes me great anxiety. Back and forth I go from one choice to another weighing my options and getting nowhere fast. It even took me a while to decide whether I should write a journal about this subject or not. Argh!

I have a really big decision to make right now. As some of you already know, I have bi-lateral avascular osteonecrosis. I had my right hip replaced five years ago. Right now I am at a point where I need to think about getting my left hip replaced. The pain is unbearable at times and is severely impeding my quality of life. For most people, this would be a no brain-er. Go get it done, right? Well, it's not that simple.

There have been some advances in techniques since 2003 when I had my right hip replaced. One of my options is to have a total hip replacement with an anterior approach incision. This means they go in through the groin, not the side of the hip. This eliminates cutting into all the muscle that is located on there hip area. One of the main reasons for the long recovery in traditional hip replacement is that once those hip muscles are cut it takes about three months for them to knit back together. This leaves the new hip vulnerable to dislocation and other complications if you bend and move around too much. So, with the anterior approach, this is not an issue. The surgery is the same as far as composition of the new joint and what the surgeon does once he gets inside. It is still a full hip replacement.

The second option is a bone sparing hip resurfacing procedure. It is similar to capping a tooth in that they shave off a portion of the ball joint and cap it with a titanium hood (along with plastic that mimics cartilage) and secure it with a small pin. This makes it easier when revision surgeries are inevitably necessary, since the joints only last 10-20 years. At my relatively young age (38 when I had the first surgery, 43 at present). I will most assuredly have at least one, if not two or more revisions in my lifetime. Sparing some of the natural bone will be very beneficial. The drawback to this surgery is that he uses a traditional incision on the outside of the hip, making recovery a longer process.

So, my choices are short recovery and totally hip replacement that may cause complications later on or longer recovery now, but a chance to save some of my natural bone, making it easier on me when I am older and have to have more surgeries.

To further complicate matters, If I go with the anterior approach, I will have to change doctors (Dr. Emerson). If I decide on the hip resurfacing, I can stay with the doctor (Rathjen) who did my right hip replacement. I really like him and have a good relationship with him and am happy with the result of my first surgery.

I have made appointments with both doctors. Since it has been a while since I saw Dr Rathjen, I have to go in to be evaluated by his assistant before I can even make an appointment to see the doctor himself. I will be going in on July 24th. The earliest appointment I could get with Dr. Emerson is September 3rd. So, for all intents and purposes, I couldn't make a decision now if I wanted to. This is a little frustrating to me.

Right now I am on heavy pain killers, something I really didn't want to do. I was on them for about nine months prior to my first surgery and getting off of them is a formidable process that I did not wish to repeat. My procrastination and difficulty with decision making have gotten me to this point, so I can only blame myself, but it doesn't make the pill any easier to swallow (no pun intended).

I am feeling very frustrated and cranky these days. Chronic pain makes a person snappish and touchy. Pain medication does not help with mood swings and irritability. Knowing that is my own fault that I waited this long makes me even more cantankerous.

Oh, well...I press on.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What turns you on?

The beauty and monstrosity of life is that everyone is different. It is beautiful because we can see the world through different eyes from time to time. The monstrosity is that it is either too complex or too much trouble to see things in a different light.

We need diversity in life to create a balance -- a yin and yang existence that keeps things in check. If everyone were just like me, then decisions would never get made because I am horrible at that and often waffle back and forth trying to decide even which shampoo to use in the shower each morning. Note to self -- don't' buy so many choices of shampoo. Then again if everyone in the world were like my husband, then there would be no spontaneity in life. No one would ever daydream or wool-gather as my Grandma used to call it. It takes all kinds -- the planners and the wool-gatherers of the world. Both can be visionaries.

It is sometimes so torturous to try to understand the mind of someone so different than myself. I struggle to understand what motivates them. What joy could they possibly get out of life by being so uptight? Of course what I view as uptight is rational to another. It puzzles my mind to comprehend that some are comforted so much by order and structure. I don't want to plan ahead, make lists and schedules, it makes me cringe just thinking about it. I like to wing it, throw it together at the last minute and hope for the best. It usually works out pretty well.

Nothing is more irritating to me than for someone to ask me what time I am going to arrive. That involves me planning how long it will take to get there, how much time I need to allow for the unexpected, etc, etc. Just tell me what time you want me there! I don't care! Now for the planners, my laissez faire attitude could cause hyperventilation. They want to know, so they can plan and when I am non-committal it is frustrating, I am sure. That is why they need to devise the plan and then tell me what time I need to be there. See how easy that is?

As frustrated as I get by the organizers, strategizers and planners of the world, I am sure that they are equally as perplexed by my creative mind. I am certain that at times I am viewed as disorganized, unmotivated and lax. Don't worry so much -- it will all work out. That is a mantra of mine. It does nothing to sooth the worried mind of my husband at times. He can't make sense of my cluttered existence. Never mind the fact that I am usually right and it does all work out in the end -- it still bewilders him. Just as I am bewildered by the seeming flat and spiritless way with which he tackles a project. Yawn! Where is the joy in that?

It does take all kinds, however, as I said before the daydreamers and the planners alike can be the visionaries of the world. Visionaries tackle the world, explore new frontiers and change things. How they arrive at their destination, can be quite strikingly dissimilar, but the outcome is the same -- making a difference.

We all just need to learn to be more mindful of the differences in motivation and character that we possess. It's what makes the world go round.