When I have been hurt by someone or something, being told to get over it or that I shouldn't feel the way that I feel is not helpful. I honestly don't think I am alone in this feeling; most people don't want to have their feeling invalidated. It rubs a blister on our already raw nerves. Exactly when will I get over it? That is a good question. I'll get over it when I have worked through it on my own terms. We all have different ways of dealing with stress and hurt. What good does it do to tell someone else that they aren't doing it right?
I look at my life in terms of relationships. That is what it is all about, as far as I am concerned. It doesn't matter how much I do; how many things I accomplish. If I fail to connect with people on a personal level then I have fallen short of my life goal. So, to mend a broken fence is very important to me. I am not, however, willing to allow the fence to be rebuilt with shoddy materials just to get it back up. It is liable to fall down again quickly if care is not taken to make certain that every piece of timber is of quality and every nail is hammered in with caution. This will insure that we have a sturdy fence that will withstand then next high wind that blows through.
My deepest relationship is the one I have with my God. He has been there through all of the tempestuous times in my life. Nothing gives me more comfort than knowing that he has never relinquished our relationship no matter how hard I tried to shake him off. For this reason, during times of hurt, I turn to the one who has never hurt me for advice on what to do next.
So, as I guard my heart against the inevitable pain that goes along with being human and forming the relationships that are so important to me, I find solace in his words. I never know how long it is going to take for me to make sense of the chaos that has been created. I must first ask that the Lord search my heart and see if there is anything there that needs to be removed. I most assuredly am not infallible, so I need to be humble enough to admit fault if need be. Then I must push forward.
Psalm 139:23-24 (New International Version)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Philippians 3:13b-14 (New International Version)
13:... Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-9 (New International Version)
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.