The other night I had the weirdest, most amazing dream. In the dream, my family and I chucked it all and bought a farm. Not the kind of farm where you raise things to sell, but one where you are self sufficient.
We grew our own vegetables, milked our own cow and generally did everything on our own little farm that we could. In the dream, I had a wonderful sense of peace and happiness as well as a sense of accomplishment about our life. I happily donned my big floppy hat as I picked up my pruning shears to go out and cut some fresh herbs from my kitchen garden. My compost pile was a work of art I tell you. And the beeswax candles? A wonder to behold.
We lived in a beautiful four square colonial farm house with a wide front porch. I could smell the bread baking in the oven as the sun streamed in through the window above the sink. Maybe I would have a minute to sit down at the table and have a cup of coffee while I waited for that last loaf to bake. It was fantastic and wonderful.
I do place value on all of those things in the dream. I would love to live that kind of life. There is only one problem. I am a city girl. I like living around the corner from the grocery story. I enjoy having everything I could ever need within a five mile radius of my house. I am also not an outdoorsy person. I appreciate everything in nature, I want to preserve the planet in all its glory, but I get a sunburn if I even look at the sun, bees and other flying stinging things scare the pee outa me and I don't like to sweat. I love both the idea of self sufficient country living and the reality that toilet paper can be purchased around the corner.
There are a few of these kinds of contradictions in my life. I wanted a big family so that I would always have something to do and someone to talk to. Yet I also crave solitary time where I can be alone with my thoughts and peruse the latest best seller. I like to be on time, but I don't like to be tied down to time constraints. I like to drive fast but I don't like to be rushed. I don't like to sit still but yet I like to relax. I seem to sense a pattern here. I am a walking contradtiction, I suppose.I don't know if my dream of self sufficient farm life will ever become a reality or not. I do know that it is fun to think about. I am also perplexed about these other paradoxes in my personality. I am not sure what to make of it, or if it means anything at all, but true to my introspective nature, I must turn it over and over in my mind until the next thought pops in. That is just the way I am, there is always something to mull over.