I have been in therapy for the past seven months. One of the things that drove me to therapy was my desire to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I have had many incarnations of Me in my adult life, from working at jobs I wasn't passionate about just to pay the bills, to being an isolate stay-at-home mom with infants and toddlers demanding all of my attention and then later being an avid-volunteer-for-everything-in-sight mom of elementary school kids. I have, if not loved, at least found satisfaction in each stage of life and now it is time to move on to the next one.
I still have kids to raise, so being a full-time working outside the home mom is not appealing to me in the least. I am blessed (and frugal) to be able to stay at home while my husband makes the monetary contribution to the household, so whatever I do doesn't necessarily have to provide an income, but with my children's college tuition looming on the horizon, it would be nice.
I have thrown around a few ideas, but none of them have really stuck except for one. Writing. I want to write and I want people to read it. It sounds so much more humble to say that I find satisfaction in writing just for my eyes only, that I don't need feedback from others in order to feel like I am really doing something when I write. I would be lying if I said that though. No matter how much I want it to be true that I don't need other people to read what I write, it is just not true. I need to have an audience.
Here's the rub. I am not good at promoting myself. It feels so self-serving to toot my own horn and ask people to read my blog, to send their friends to my blog, to link my blog, etc. It is just not Me to do that kind of thing. Here's what I have been learning in therapy though - It's okay to step outside my comfort zone and make my wants and desires important. This is a new and novel concept to me. I have always been sort of a background player, so bear with me as I stumble through this next bit.
I want to make my blog big. Well, make its readership big, anyway. I have owned this blog for two years and have not been dedicated enough to it to make it what I envision it to be. Because I have been scared. Scared of self-promoting. Scared of failure. Scared of success. Scared of doing anything outside my comfort zone... You get the idea. Fear has kept me down for too long. It is time I take a leap of faith and come what may, just state my mission and give it a go.
So, here goes. My vision is, that people who are searching for the grace and love of God in Christianity would come here and find just that. It took me half a lifetime to find the real Jesus, even though I had been a Christian practically all my life. And when I found Him, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I fell deeply in love. I don't want others to have to stumble around as much as I did to find the graceful and loving Jesus. I want to introduce Him to as many people as I possibly can. I have no theological training or anything in the way of formal religious training. All I have is a seeking mind and an open heart for digging deep into the scripture and pulling out what I believe the Holy Spirit leads me to. So, make no mistake, I do not see myself as a spiritual leader, but as a fellow traveler on the road of Christianity who wants to take as many people on her journey as possible.
Here comes the dreaded self-promotion part. If you are reading this blog, if you perhaps read my blog regularly and you find something in it worth sharing, would you share it? Tell your friends about it. Link me on your Facebook or your Twitter page. Email people. Do whatever you feel like doing to let other people know that the blog exists. And along with that, give me some feedback as to what you are thinking. What topics you might want to discuss with me. Let me know if you enjoyed a certain piece. Like the layout? Don't like the layout? Whatever it is, I want to hear it.
This really is going to be a leap of faith for me to hit Publish Post on this one. I am trusting that stepping outside my box is going to pay off in big ways. Not only for me, but for lots and lots of people who are looking to find spiritual fulfillment and a closer relationship with Jesus, with some fun and a few unrelated side detours along the way. And in so doing, God would be glorified, which is my ultimate goal. I am looking forward to the journey. Come what may, I am going to jump in with both feet. Say you will join me?