Natural Anxiety and Tension Relief

This week a friend asked me for some tips on combating anxiety without pharmaceutical intervention. I gave her a few tips, and I thought those tips might be of interest to some of you. In this day and age, who doesn't have a bit of anxiety and nervous tension, right? These tips are not foolproof and sometimes it is best to seek a doctor's advice. If you have prolonged bouts of anxiety that lead to withdrawing from life and/or depression, please contact your doctor or mental health care worker.

Herbal supplements are a good place to start when it comes to relieving mild to moderate, occasional anxiety. Valerian root, kava and chamomile are three that I have tried with some success. They can all be taken in pill form or as a tea. The Valerian root has a very strong odor though, so I suggest taking it in capsule form instead of tea. Chamomile, however has a wonderful fragrance and is very nice and relaxing as a tea. These are all non-habit forming. The herbs may have some counter-indications with other medications though, so always check to make sure they are compatible with any regular medications you take. Also, if you are pregnant or nursing, it is always best to check for safety issues regarding herbal preparations during this time.

Homeopathic remedies are also quite effective in treating anxiety. Homeopathic remedies are based on the theory that 'like cures like'. So, the idea is that you take a small amount of a substance that would normal cause a problem, dilute that substance tremendously and then put it through a sort of shaking process. What you have left is (sort of) a vibration of the original substance that, when taken orally, will combat the symptoms you are displaying. Look in your local vitamin or health food store in the homeopathic section for remedies for anxiety, stress and insomnia. I have tried Hyland's brand for several different maladies, including anxiety and have been quite pleased with the results.

Guided relaxation is an invaluable tool to calm the mind and relieve tension in the body. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of relaxation CDs on the market. I did an iTunes search and I had an anxiety attack just looking at the shear volume of choices I had before me. I then entered 'Guided Relaxation' in the search engine and that narrowed the field down a bit. I listen to a few demos and narrowed my search even further by selecting the offerings that had a Christian slant to them, since that was a fit for me. Of course, for those of you who are not Christian, it goes without saying that you would find a different way to narrow your search. :) I have an iPod Touch and I downloaded a couple of apps for that. The one I use most is called Relax With Andrew Johnson. The man who guides you through the relaxation exercise has a soothing Scottish accent that I find very appealing . If you have an iPhone (or iPod Touch), you can type guided relaxation in the apps key word search to find other options.

Another great relaxation tool is deep breathing. I use this in combination with aromatherapy probably more than anything else. My favorite oils are peppermint and lavender. It is important to get pure essential oils when doing aromatherapy, and not fragrance oils, in order to get the benefit of the healing properties in the oils. I mix the two oils together in a brown mixer bottle and inhale the scent on my in-breaths, or put a drop of the oil on my forehead, then do the breathing. To do a deep breathing exercise is very simple. Get in a comfortable non-slouching position first. Breathe in through your nose for two counts, making sure your stomach rises as you inhale, so that you know you are breathing from your diaphragm. Hold the breath for a second, then breathe out through your mouth for four counts. It is important to breathe out for twice as long as you breathe in because this releases the carbon dioxide from your body. I often recite a mantra, short scripture or one line prayer as I do this exercise. This allows positive thoughts to be in the forefront of my mind. An example would be - In: I am only human / Out: But, God is my strength and refuge. Or - In: Happy is as happy does / Out: I am in control of my happiness. Anything positive and affirming will work.

You may be thinking - where can I find all of this stuff she listed? Well, I'll tell you, the best on-line places I have found are Mountain Rose Herbs.com, Drug Store.com and Vitacost.com. Also, check your local Yellow Pages for Natural Health Food stores and vitamin stores to find all of the herbs, homeopathic remedies and essential oils you need to get started on your way to a happier, more relaxed life.I feel I need to add that in the long run, these techniques are most effective and more likely to yield lasting, drug-free results, when used in conjunction with a solid anxiety recovery program or professional therapy.

Rush to Judgment

Several years ago singer/songwriter, Jennifer Knapp walked away from a career in the Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) arena. She stopped recording and touring all together. At the time she left the CCM industry, there were rumors that she was gay. Recently, Knapp resurfaced and has admitted to the world that she is, indeed, a lesbian.

It's all in your head. Only it's not.

Over the years as I have struggled with varying degrees of depression and anxiety, I have encountered many people who have become exasperated with me for not being able to simply choose happiness. Their exasperation exasperates me, to tell you the truth. Luckily, I have a husband and some close friends who really (I mean really) understand that it is not that simple.

Yes, negative thoughts, when continuous, can cause you to become anxious or depressed. Unfortunately for the clinically depressed/generalized anxiety disordered person, it is not snap-your-fingers easy to turn these thoughts around. They swirl around, and around in our heads on a never-ending loop of what ifs, darkness, gloom and lethargy. For some of us, there just isn't enough serotonin, norepinephren and/or dopamine created in the brain. Couple this with a surge of adrenaline that we get when we are anxious and you have a very bad combination. You have a person who just wants to flee or fight and doesn't have the energy to do either one. It can be paralyzing.

There are medications that help to stabilize and regulate chemicals in the brain, but these are not little, magic happy pills. We don't take them and then suddenly all of our problems are solved and we become blissfully happy. What they do is bring about a balance that allows us to have the ability to think in a different way, where we are not always at the mercy of whatever chemical is firing or misfiring inside us. Then, we have a choice.

Over the years that I have been on medication, I have done a lot of self-examination and have made great strides towards a life unencumbered by the baggage of the past. There are times of unusual stress that will cause me to have a set-back, however, and I will have to begin again to sort things out, perhaps change medication and get back on track. This is the place I found myself at this winter. There were several factors that contributed to my set-back. Looked at in isolation, they may not seem too overwhelming, but with everything hitting at once, it just took me over. Not in a sense that I was out of control, but it just became to tiring to pretend to be okay any more. Once the medical side was taken care of, it was time for me to start doing the healing work, making a concentrated effort to look on the bright side and freeing myself from the darkness.

I can choose happiness. I thought maybe just acting as if I were happy would bring about an attitude change. It doesn't. Not in a lasting way, at least. I don't want fake happiness or forced smiles. I despise fakery (yes fakery is a word. I deem it so) and people who put on a show for the world. I certainly don't want that for myself. I want genuine joy and abundant delight in my life. This can't be achieved by the fake it 'til you make it attitude that was popular a decade or two ago. At least for me it can't. For me, there are no shortcuts to happiness. I already have all of the outward trappings of happiness - a great family, enough to eat, clothes to wear, a home, money to pay bills, a 'job' that I love, no major catastrophes are going on in my life - it's all there. It's not that I take it for granted; I appreciate it all. It is just that I have to switch my focus at times and not force myself to be happy, but allow myself to be happy.

I came across this video of a song called As If by Sara Evans. The song is about love and finding the right person, but I think it applies to life in general, as well. The girl in the video is very fixated on finding just the right man. She goes through a series of 'perfect' men, only to ditch them when they didn't meet her expectations. In the end she realizes that the right man was there in front of her the whole time, she just couldn't see it because she had a vision of what was 'right' and 'perfect'. I think we do this in our lives more than we realize. We go searching for perfection, may even at times fool ourselves into believing that another person or a thing can provide happiness for us. In the end, though, we come to the conclusion that what we need for happiness, joy, bliss, delight, is right in front of us the whole time. We just need to look in the mirror to find it. We, ourselves, are the only person who can make us happy. We have to find contentment within ourselves, be satisfied and comfortable with who we are, and accept our own worth before we can truly be happy in this life.

Here's to self-love and lasting happiness.

Sabbatical Day 5

I had one last issue to take care of before I leave this wonderful cabin of peace tomorrow and go back to resume my life. This issue was the hardest one. The one I had been putting off even thinking about this whole week. I didn't want to deal with the can of worms it would open up inside me. I knew I had to deal with it though, and deal with it, I did. This issue I am talking about is anger. I had a lot of pent up anger and it was coming out all sideways at the people I love the most - my family. I didn't want my children to remember me as Angry Mom, so it was for them, most of all, that I tackled this issue.

I believe that anger is actually a secondary emotion. Anger is what frustration, hurt, disappointment and resentment leave behind. Someone has hurt, frustrated or disappointed us and because we don't want anyone to dislike us, we keep the hurt to ourselves and next thing you know we are angry and bitter because no one understands us. Of course they don't; we never said anything! We then carry these negative emotions around with us and turn them inward, causing us to be anxious and depressed. This effectively allows the person we are angry with to come along beside us wherever we go. They are like an albatross we drag around with us, placing them smack between ourselves and those who really matter in our lives. Everywhere we go, there they are. Allowing them to have a place between us and our loved ones reminds us to keep our defenses up, so that we won't be hurt like that again. As long as they are there, no one can get too close. The problem with this is obvious - we are allowing these people who have hurt us to control our ongoing relationships and thus our lives. The only way to remedy this problem is to release the anger. Which is what I did today.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to confront these people. It would have been a circular conversations that would have left me more frustrated. I had to think of some way to get all of my pent up frustration, hurt and anger out, once and for all without opening myself up to even more painful emotion. So, after much thought, I came up with a plan. I sat down and wrote out some letters to these people. I told them of the ways I was hurt by them, frustrated by them and now felt angry and bitter towards them. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I didn't have one thing left unsaid. I let it all out on the paper. Then I read the letters. Then, I read the letters over and over again until the words no longer had feeling behind them. I read them until I was no longer affected by the words. After the words no longer had control of my emotions, I took the pages and torn them into little pieces. As I was tearing the pages to shreds, I prayed. I prayed that God would give me the strength to let go of my anger once and for all and give me peace. Then I began to pray for the people I had written to. I asked God to bless them and grant them peace in their lives.

It's done. Finished. I can no longer pick up those hurts because I tore them all to pieces and threw them in the garbage where they belonged. I wish no one ill, but I will no longer be controlled by people I choose not to have in my life. They are gone and so is their power to manipulate me.

I feel emotionally drained right now, but I feel free. I am ready to go home tomorrow and continue to work on all of these issues that I have uncovered. By the grace of God, I will be able to conquer them all in due time. Moving forward I see light and great, glorious adventures.

Sabbatical Day 4

I am feeling really stuck today. There are so many thoughts running through my head with no clear direction to any of them. I have found myself being distracted by things today, as if my mind doesn't want to confront any more issues. I mean aren't the issues I confronted the past three days enough? How many issues can one person have? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical. I know that I have multiple issues to deal with this week. I also know that I am not going to cure a lifetime issues in one week. I do hope that I can at least identify most of them and move in a positive direction when I get back home. I am feeling the pressure right now. Only one full day left after today, so I better get this thing figured out. I need to have it all figured out by noon Saturday, so hurry up and figure it out!

Okay, I think I just stumbled upon my next issue. The need for perfection. Those who know me may not see me as a perfectionist. Especially if they have dropped by my house unannounced. I am pretty messy and can appear quite scatterbrained at times. I procrastinate like crazy. I lose things regularly, just ask each of my children how many times they have handed me a permission slip or report card, only to come back later to retrieve it and find that I have misplaced it. By all outward appearances, I am no perfectionist at all. But I am.

Being a perfectionist has nothing to do with being perfect. It has to do with my perfectionist thought processes. I suffer from the "Anything worth doing is worth doing right" mentality. I don't do something unless I can do it right. This means that things I lack the time, direction, energy or motivation for fall by the wayside. I procrastinate until I have time or energy to do it right. I don't make decisions because I am afraid of making the wrong decision. I want to have a clear-cut, right answer. If I am not interested in doing something, but I said I would when someone asked me to (see previous post about my need to be liked issues), I will drag my feet getting it done because I don't care enough about it to do it right. I realize this is a circuitous thought process, but I have been doing it for so long it has become a habit. What to do? Form another habit, of course. Yea, that should be easy, right?

It is going to be an internal struggle for me to go against my natural inclinations and give up my all or nothing ideals. I am going to have to be much more intentional with my thinking so that I don't fall back on old habits. It is going to mean saying no when I am asked to do something I am not interested in doing, which may be quite uncomfortable for me and may even cause some people to think less of me. I am going to have to force myself to get started on a project (ie, that book I want to write) and keep at it until it is finished no matter if I think it is perfect or not, which may cause some anxiety because I really want to put my best foot forward in this venture. Despite the anxiety and discomfort changing my habits will cause, it will alleviate so much dread and stress that I often feel from taking on ill-fitting projects and procrastination. Hopefully the benefits will carry me and I will learn to deal with good enough before I even have a chance to balk at myself.