It only takes one small light to pierce the darkness. That is one of the beautiful things about life. On Friday, I felt pretty dark, but today I feel the darkness lifting a bit. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it's a good light I can see at the end of the tunnel and not an on-coming train!
Twice this weekend, by two different people, I was told I needed to stop thinking so much - to quiet my mind. I know that's good advice, however, knowing it and putting it into practice are two very different things. If only my mind had an on/off switch. I would use the switch right now, for sure.
I've always believed that introspection is a good thing. We need to pull from deep within ourselves the lessons of life. We have to evaluate situations we find ourselves in. We do this to learn more about ourselves, so that we don't repeat bad behavior patterns. But, I can see how too much introspection could be turn bad. I can see that it can lead to over-thinking, to self-flagellation and circular thinking. We need time to be still and quiet in order to recharge and-or reboot our brains.
I'm going to honestly and for real try to carve out some time to be still. I'm going to do my deep breathing exercises, practice my breath prayers and clear as much of the clutter from my mind as I can. In this house, it's not going to be an easy task, but I'm committed to try, for at least 15 minute a day, even if I have to go into my closet to do it. Hey doesn't it say in Matthew to go into the closet to pray? Might just be the place I need to go. Remember a few days ago when I said I needed goals? Well this is goal I'm setting for myself. Every day. Fifteen minutes.
Changing the subject mid-blog here, which is kind of disconnected, I know, but bear with me. I am doing a pretty good job of feeding my body right and getting exercise every day. I'm eating with intention, rather that mindlessly noshing, or reaching for food when I feel anxious. It's not always easy, but I'd say I'm doing about an 8 on a scale of 1-10.
As far as the exercise, I have never been a fan of formal exercise. First of all, I am totally uncoordinated and non-flexible, so any form of Yoga or Aerobics is out of the question. It only serves to make me feel worse about myself. Walking is good exercise - if I'm actually going somewhere. Walking in circles around the neighborhood, or worse still, on a treadmill is about as pointless an act of futility and boredom I can think of. My exercise needs to accomplish something, so I do things that work my muscles, get my heart pumping and make me sweat. There are any number of household chores that accomplish my exercise goals regularly.
I go back to the doctor on Monday, so I will be able to see what the fruits of my labor have accomplished in a quantifiable form when I step on the scale. I'll let you know how that goes.