Shut up and Listen

Psalm 28

Discouraged. Disheartened. Distressed. Depressed. That is how I feel right now and this Psalm (28) goes right along with those moods and emotions I struggle with. David seems to be feeling the same kinds of things in this passage. He asks, in verse 1 that his Lord not turn a deaf ear to him.

What's Next

It's almost 1:30. I will have to start picking up kids in about an hour. There are so many things I could be doing. So many things I should be doing, but I find myself sitting here contemplating what to do next. I don't mean what I should be doing right at this moment, Lord knows there is no shortage of things to be dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed or hosed down. I am talking about in my life in general, in the big picture. Where do I go from here and how do I get there?

I love to volunteer. It makes my heart happy to be helpful to other people. Since my kids started school 9+ years ago, I have pretty much devoted all of my 'free' time to volunteering. I enjoy all of it, but here is one thing I have learned. If I say yes to something without praying about it first or if I ignore the doubtful feelings I get about something after I have prayed about it, then God will not bless my efforts. I will find myself stressed and resentful of the duties that should be filling me with joy. That is kind of where I am at right now. I took on something that I wasn't being called to do and now I am feeling the sting of disappointment as I look over the last year and a half and examine my failure. Sure, it could have been worse, but oh, how it could have been better if I had allowed God to guide me. This is why I am carefully contemplating my next move.

I have a few ideas bouncing around my head. There are a multitude of things I want to do with the blocks of time, not to mention the area of my brain, that will be freed up when my current commitments are finished. I want to make sure I get it right this time though.

It would be so much easier if there were just a magic formula that would tell me beforehand whether a decision were right or not. I would not have to go back and forth in my mind. Unfortunately that is not how God works. He doesn't give those clear signs like he did in the Old Testament. Somehow I don't think he is going to speak to me through a burning bush as he did to Moses. Then again, Moses didn't always get the message and obey, so I don't know that clear signs from God are a recipe for human success.

I will do my best to be discerning and listen carefully so that my efforts will be blessed whatever it is that I choose to do next.

Ephesians 5:15-17 (New International Version)

¹⁵Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

James 1:5 (New International Version)

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Here's The Deal...

I have learned something lately about being a Christian. God is not willing to share; he wants all of me. He desires for me to give him even those parts that I have hidden way over in the corner. Perhaps he even wants these bits more than anything else. It is these slivers that I long to hold on to.

I don't want to think about what Jesus would do all the time. Sometimes I want to react to something like a 'normal' person. I want to reach over into one of my corners and pull out my gossip piece and use it until I feel superior to everyone about whom I have talked. From time to time I want to grab hold of that mean chunk and say what is really on my mind until the other person feels as low as I do.

It is at these times that I must really grab on to the bigger portion of me that is fixed on being obedient to Him, that large area that gave itself over to the will of her savior. Luckily most times I am able to remember that human nature is not always God's nature. He doesn't have those dark recesses like I do. He is all good. That is what he wishes for me too, taken over by good. Even though perfection will never be realized in this lifetime, I am still required to give Him my all.

Hopefully, as I go throughout my life those dark places will get smaller and smaller as I fill them up with His love, His word and His spirit. I long for the day when God really does have all of me. That will be the most glorious day of all.

It all depends on me. God has already given me His free gift; it is up to me how I use it. I am faced with choices every day. It is up to me whether I am going to reach over into the dark place or seize God's promise to me. He has promised never to relinquish me. It is up to me to do my best not to forsake him. I do this by having the character to withstand the temptation of my will, as I yield to His.

It seems like a tough choice; it is hard to give up myself to another. However, I have only abundance to gain by letting God inhabit me as I fade into Him.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you

Psalm 119:8
I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.