Sunday, February 24, 2008

Conundrum

I love being a Christian. I even love the denomination that I belong to. What I do not love is the church to which I belong. I find it so difficult to even pretend to want to get up and go any more. This is not a new unhappiness. We have been attending this church for almost 10 years and I have felt this way almost from the beginning. I go in cycles where I am able to put my own discontent to the side and go to worship for the most important reason which is to worship the Lord and give glory to him. Then there are other times where I just can't do it because I feel so unhappy about the experience. The congregation is just so stodgy and set in its ways, I feel very stifled. In the 10 years we have been there very little has been done to affect real change and to move the church forward into the future. As far as the denomination goes, I think it is great, it is an open, liberal and progressive denomination. They stress "Freedom of belief. Disciples are called together around one essential of faith: belief in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Persons are free to follow their consciences guided by the Bible, the Holy Spirit study and prayer, and are expected to extend that freedom to others" But that is as a denomination, not as a congregation. Our congregation is so conservative and not very open minded. I realize that it shouldn't stop me from worshiping there, but it begins to grate on me after a time. I think it is mainly the area in which we live, everyone around me is conservative and i find myself the odd duck more times than not. One thing I won't do is put my comfort above that of my family though. If everyone else is happy at that church, then I will continue on. I will be in deep prayer about this situation over the next several weeks because I really need to resolve it in my mind; because at this point I am just running circles in my mind and getting nowhere, as evidenced by my writings here.
Proverbs 2:1-10:

1 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
9 Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.